1) do stuff on time (Ha! because i’m writing this on january tenth!) - LOL Erika you’re so funny, I guess sometimes I do things on time
2) go to a dubstep rave (not a joke) - Unfortunately I did not go to a dubstep rave but I did go to a goth EDM rave so that’s close.
3) go on more dates than last year (2012’s number was zero so you’d think this wouldn’t be hard but i bet it will be) - Mission accomplished. Very boring, pointless mission accomplished.
4) ask one person in complete sincerity if they would like to go to bonertown with me - Obviously I didn’t do this
5) stop using the word “boning” or any permutation thereof. it is disgusting. - Also did not do this
6) get crazy drunk. i am a nondrinker and have been tipsy but never really crazy drunk and i want to do it just once! in a very safe environment of course, because i do not trust my friends or anyone else - I finally did this last weekend in front of dozens of people at the Local! If I’d also put “throw up on stage in front of dozens of people” I could have marked that one off, too.
7) get that white pinstripe suit that rose dewitt-bukater is wearing when she gets on the titanic!! OBVIOUSLY!!! AND WEAR THAT SHIT TO BIRDS AND TRADER JOE’S, BECAUSE I DON’T GO ANYWHERE ELSE! - Ugh, I didn’t do this. But also I do go more places than Birds and Trader Joe’s now, so that’s good.
8) do somewhere between zero and one million pushups (NO MORE THAN THAT) - Did this one!
9) befriend Dwayne “The” Rock Johnson - This will have to stay on my 2014 resolutions list.
10) finish watching Yentl, which I watched the first half of in fourth grade - Still unfinished.
11) compile a best-of list of my tweets to be read at my funeral (P.S. Why did no-one favorite this one? I think it’s great! “”I’m voting yes on Prop 69” - me bringing political humor and a cute sense of fun into the bedroom”) - Shit, I should get on this one. What if I die??? What will you guys talk about without a list of my best tweets?
12) regard every argument as a war of attrition at the expense of my personal relationships - Accomplished
13) more puns! - what was I thinking
Wish me better luck next year!