1) BIF means Butt in Front

2) 3 weeks is way too long to spend in the Midwest

2) 2 weeks is also too long to spend in the Midwest

3) 1 week is too long to spend in the Midwest

4) I’m a bitter old frozen hag

5) Family and friends get offended when you mention how miserable you are while visiting them and how you left them for a way better new life

6) My dad is definitely replacing me with his new children

7) My grandpa is just as afraid of me as I am of him (discovered this via phone)

8) Tom Cruise’s body is UNREAL and nice face, too (discovered this via MI4: Ghost Protocol)

I have almost a week left here so more gems may follow.